4/25/07
First up, I'd like to make a correction to an earlier post. Blitz
reader Ronobo pointed out that KSS did indeed last long enough to release a
sequel to Anarchy in the Nippon (aka Japanarchy). Here's the twist... the
game was only available on the Playstation!
Now to the update. I've
had a morbid fascination with plug 'n play game consoles lately. Sure, they
either stiff you on games (five titles for the price of a more robust classic
collection on the Xbox or Playstation 2? Sounds like a deal to me...) or are
packed to overflowing with cheap Chinese shovelware, but there's a campy,
low-rent charm to these units that you won't find on a traditional game system.
Sometimes, you want to indulge in a high-class, high-cost beverage like
Coke Classic, but on rare occasions, you just want to bring home a case of
Towne Club cola and gulp down the sugary sewer water until you slip into a
diabetic coma. Right now, I'm on my sixth bottle of Towne Club, and I'm nadda
batta stah bah hubble blarrgh...
(falls over, then picks himself up from the floor)
The first plug 'n play I'm going to review is Konami LIVE!. This one's special because instead of a television set, you connect it to the USB port of your computer. The unit is designed specifically for use with the internet... in fact, it's so dependent on an online connection that you won't be able to play a single game without one! Only the interface is built into the Konami LIVE! controller... everything else must be downloaded from Konami's servers.
Once you've downloaded those five games, you'll notice that they bear a striking resemblence to Konami's offerings on Xbox Live Arcade. The enhanced versions of Time Pilot, Gyruss, and Contra all have the same redrawn backgrounds and grandiose special effects as their counterparts on the Xbox 360... only the remastered soundtracks and XLA perks like achievements are missing.
With the Konami LIVE! controller selling for as low as fifteen dollars in some stores (I got mine at a Goodwill for $3.99), it sounds like a great way to save money on Microsoft Points. Ah, but there's a catch! All the titles were originally written for a game system with a 3.2GHz processor. When you port them to a computer with completely different hardware, the results aren't pretty. The games are perfectly fine when played in original mode, but they drop to a third of their normal speed if you dare switch on the enhancements. Granted, I don't own the world's most cutting-edge computers, but when even my year old laptop struggles to keep up with twenty-five year old video games, there's a serious problem. C'mon, Digital Eclipse... you've been writing emulators for well over a decade now. You can do better than this!
If Konami LIVE! was a tragedy, Pelican's new VG Pocket systems could both be considered triumphs. The decision to base their design on drug paraphenelia wasn't the best of ideas... with both a Tablet and Capsule available, the only thing missing from the line-up is a Syringe, complete with rubber band tie-off wrist strap! Questionable marketing aside, the units are a quantum leap ahead of the last VG Pocket model. The old blue and white unit had an 8-bit processor and the ugliest color display this side of the Atari Lynx. The new systems are packed with 16-bit power and have screens on par with high-priced heavy-hitters like the Nintendo DS and Sony PSP. The colors are bright and distinct, the text is easily readable, and the resolution is stunning, especially in the more luxurious Capsule.
The games are also significantly improved thanks to more powerful hardware under the medicinal hood. You get a small handful of licensed titles, along with dozens of games straight out of Hong Kong. Bust-A-Move, Space Invaders Part II, and Burgertime round out the licensed offerings in the Capsule, and they're all fair conversions. Bust-A-Move looks a whole lot better than it sounds or plays... maybe I'm spoiled by Bust-A-Move DS and its lightning quick rubber band, but turning the lever to adjust your aim in the Capsule version of the game is unbearably slow, especially after popping a cluster of bubbles. Next comes Space Invaders Part II... contrary to what the box and main menu will tell you, this is not the original game released in 1977. Rather, you're getting the enhanced game with smarter invaders and that crowd pleasin' "rainbow effect." Burgertime is probably the biggest disappointment of the three... the visuals are incredibly faithful to the arcade original but the control is utterly woeful. If you're even a pixel away from the center of a ladder when you try to climb it, you're not going anywhere, and you're probably getting a weiner up your ass. Why is it that after twenty five years and countless game systems, the crusty old Intellivision still offers the most playable version of Burgertime?
The other titles are "entertaining" in that MST3K sort of way. I want to cover them more thoroughly in a future article on the Blitz, but I'll just say for now that the games borrow heavily from existing ones, not only in concept but audiovisually as well. One game is a low-rent version of Don't Pull, part of Capcom's Three Wonders collection, while another is the Super NES version of Aero Fighters with all the characters removed. Nope, there's no unnaturally dextrous babies or dolphins to pilot the planes... you just get the jets themselves. Yet another title takes the submarines from Nazca's In The Hunt and puts them into a simple maze navigation challenge. There are a few titles here with original content... just not that many.
The games aren't works of art, and they're sure not unique. However, when it
comes right down to it, I've got to recommend the Capsule. It's the perfect
symbol of the progress the industry has made in the 21st century... what would
have cost hundreds of dollars a decade ago can be had for chump change in 2007.
The future's grand, ain't it?
4/19/07
I promised a review of the slimline Playstation 2 on the 15th, and today,
that's exactly what you're going to get!
So, where do I start? I'm
amazed at how well this thing runs... when you pop a game into the system, no
matter what it is, it starts up right away. That's in sharp contrast to my old
PS2, which spent up to a minute on the BIOS screen before a game would boot.
That screen full of blue translucent cubes was pretty cool back in 2002, but the
thrill is gone after seeing it so much in the past five years. The slimline PS2
dispenses with the flashy introductions and takes you right into the action, a
welcome improvement over the previous model.
Another point in the slim PS2's favor is its diminuative size. At nearly half the height of the already small Nintendo Wii, it's a triumph of micronization. Sometimes I wish it were larger than it is, because at its current size it tends to be a little too inconspicuous for its own good. You can't put the blasted system inside an entertainment center without it vanishing from sight!
Unlike the past Playstation 2 units, the slimline console's got a flip-top door for discs. This bothers some folks who would rather have a front loading tray or even the disc-gina built into the Wii and Playstation 3, but I don't mind it much myself. After all, if a flip-top drive door is good enough for the Saturn and Dreamcast, then it's good enough for me!
What worries me a lot more is the system's rumored incompatibility with older
Playstation 2 games. If the slim PS2 only has difficulty with throwaway titles
like Crash: Twinsanity, I wouldn't make a big fuss about it, but I'll be a lot
less understanding if it won't run quirky cult classics like Culdcept or Gradius
V. I'll need to test the console more thoroughly to discover any gaps in
its compatibility.
One thing I can say for sure, however, is that it
does a wonderful job of playing original Playstation games, a skill that my last
PS2 has long since forgotten. After playing PSOne games on everything but the
system that was designed for them, it's a welcome change of pace to enjoy these
titles the way nature (and Kutaragi) intended.
In classic system news, I finally landed myself a copy of Anarchy in the Nippon (or as I like to call it, Japanarchy) for the Sega Saturn. Legend has it that the game was developed by a bunch of Virtua Fighter fans, and you can certainly see that influence in the gameplay. However, rather than the slow, floaty jumps that have become a trademark of Sega's long-running series, Japanarchy gives you... no jumps at all. Wait, what?! This puzzling omission limits the game's technique, giving it a stripped-down, rudimentary feel.
That's unfortunate, as the game holds promise in other areas. Fighters with a
cast of high school students were nothing new even a decade ago when this game
hit store shelves, but you've got to give KSS credit for coming up with
characters you won't find anywhere else. Submitted for your approval are a
chunky female judo expert, a butt-touching shop teacher, Edie McClurg with a
black belt in kung fu, and a guy who looks like the long-haired
stoner from Clerks but fights like Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon. Now
there's a combination I wouldn't have expected!
The graphics aren't too
shabby, either... they're not up to the standards of Virtua Fighter 2 or Dead or
Alive, but the bright colors and relatively high polygon counts make it look at
least as good as Virtua Fighter Remix. The visuals are accompanied by an
equally competent but unremarkable heavy metal soundtrack.
That seems to be an ongoing theme for Japanarchy... getting the job
done but not doing it with the necessary flair to bring it to the front
of the packed crowd of polygonal fighters on the Sega Saturn. The
game suffers not only from a lack of ambition by its designers, but by a
wealth of competitors with strong identities. Last Bronx has a gritty
urban setting and big-ass weapons. Fighter's Megamix is packed with
characters and finishing blows so powerful they can demolish walls. Final
Fight Revenge... well, it sucks, but at least it has fun doing it!
Meanwhile, Japanarchy is just... there. This not only explains why
the game never made it to these shores, but why KSS didn't stick around long
enough to make a sequel.
4/15/07
There's been an eternal tug of war between the Nintendo DS and
the PSP in my household... one day, the DS will get all of my undivided
attention, while the next, the PSP will steal the spotlight. It's very rare
for me to give both systems a workout on the same day, but that's exactly what's
happened last night after I discovered the homebrew title Word Up on DS Fanboy,
and a cache of old Playstation titles elsewhere.
In addition to being a catchy song by 80's funk group Cameo, Word Up is a puzzler that combines the laid back word-building of Bookworm with the more frantic block stacking of Tetris and its offspring. Letter tiles drop from the top screen to the bottom, and you've got to remove them by drawing a line through any words you find. Straight lines, zig-zags, and loops are all fair game, but you can't pick up the stylus while drawing your line, and you can only use each tile once.
As you're building words, more tiles rain down from the top screen, forcing
you to work quickly to clear the stack. You're offered a reprieve in the form of
tile-obliterating bombs, but those can only be earned by spelling out especially
long words. The pressure put on the player makes each game of Word Up brief, a
sharp contrast to Bookworm where a single session can go on for an hour or
longer. This is a critical issue in the game's design.
Word-building challenges take more careful contemplation than Word Up is willing
to grant the player, leaving the game at a disadvantage when compared to
top-shelf DS puzzlers like Bust-A-Move or Tetris.
To its
credit, Word Up is one of the system's best homebrew
releases. The game looks as sharp as any DS cartridge stamped with
Nintendo's seal of approval, and the touchscreen control is nearly flawless. The
music, an unwelcome tribute to the dusty old Commodore 64, is a sore spot, but
the high-pitched gurgling is easily forgiven when you compare it to Zoo Keeper,
whose screeching symphonies would leave even the most faithful Commodork
scrambling to turn down the volume. Word Up is free to anyone with a backup
cartridge, but there's enough here to justify the thirty dollars a puzzle game
on the DS would normally cost.
Then there's the PSP. I haven't been spending much time with the system's official releases, but it really doesn't need them... not when it's compatible with the lion's share of the original Playstation library, anyway! It's a major pain to convert the games to a format that the PSP can recognize, but once you've finally got them on that memory stick, life is good. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that Playstation emulation boosts the system's library (and its appeal) exponentially... in fact, after having played old favorites and newfound Japanese obscurities, and being dazzled by the graphics in both, I have to wonder why Sony didn't design the PSP as a portable Playstation with a higher clock speed. They could have cut the price in half, doubled the battery life, and still had enough power left over for the the most gorgeous handheld games on the market!
Let's have a look at some of those Playstation games that have been given new life on the PSP...
FIST OF THE NORTH STAR 2:
Gamers with more eccentric tastes are going to notice that FOTNS2 looks eerily similar to Godhand. That's not a coincidence... the outrageous finishing moves, the post-apocalyptic scenery, and those huge shoulder pads all had their origins in the profoundly influential Fist of the North Star animated series.
Ironically, FOTNS2 addresses the fatal flaws of Godhand, seven years before that game even existed! The turn-walk-turn control scheme that Shinji Mikami refuses to leave in the past is nowhere to be found here... the camera is pulled away from Kenshiro, leaving him free to nimbly race around the screen as he paints the playfield with the blood of his foes.
However, the game has its own Achilles' Heel, in the form of long, unskippable cut scenes. I'm sure they're a thrill for Fist fans who can make sense of all those kanji subtitles, but those of us who came to watch Kenshiro do what he does best- popping heads like balloons- are just going to be left hammering the Start and X buttons in frustration. Sorry Bandai, but I'd much rather be pounding on those goons!
CAPCOM VS. SNK PRO:
Capcom vs. SNK was one of those games with a concept that was far more exciting than the actual product. Fighting game geeks such as myself couldn't resist the thrill of Zangief planting Kyo Kusanagi into the dirt with a spinning piledriver, or Mai Shiranui trading blows with Capcom hotties like Cammy and Chun-Li, even if it was in a title that didn't stretch the boundaries of the aging genre.
It didn't use the Dreamcast to its full potential either, but Capcom vs. SNK was a better fit on the more humble Playstation. That fit became even more comfortable when Capcom squeezed two new characters into the roster. The kings of karate comedy, Dan Hibiki and Joe Higashi, brought a sense of humor and more variety to a game that badly needed both.
Not much was done to bring balance to the stilted ratio system, and the game's migration to the Playstation brought with it an abundance of load times. However, without a port of the exceptional Capcom vs. SNK 2, this is the best way to settle that long-standing grudge between Ryu and Ryo on the PSP. The graphics look right at home on the hardware, and the gameplay is as responsive as it can be with the system's always aggravating separated cross.
SLAP HAPPY RYHTHM BUSTERS:
Now that's the way to bust a move! Slap Happy Ryhthm Busters brings together over a dozen eccentric DJs for a battle royale that's part Street Fighter Alpha, part Jet Set Radio, and part Dance Dance Revolution. Slap Happy was planned for America, only to be scrapped by T*HQ at the last minute. After you play it, you'll agree that there's no excuse on Earth that can justify the game's US cancellation.
Your first reaction to Slap Happy will likely be "How did they make this look so damn good?" The developers got a near-Dreamcast level of detail out of the game by packing the polygons onto the cel-shaded characters, then dropping them onto flat backgrounds. That means there's no 3D movement whatsoever; just classic fighting action inspired by the biggest arcade hits of the 1990's. You'll fling CDs instead of fireballs, and swing from a wire with guns blazing instead of performing a boring old dragon punch. It's all familiar, but it's all good.
The finishers radically transform the gameplay, and really put the "beat" in
beatdown. Just press the two shoulder buttons together when your rival is low on
energy, and you'll enter a dance challenge where every correct button press is
rewarded with a fist in the helpless opponent's face. Miss too many dance steps
and your foe escapes with minimal damage, but make all the right moves and
you'll wrap up the attack with a humiliating final strike!
All
right, that's enough outta me. I'll be back in a few days with an
analysis of my recently acquired slimline Playstation 2. You might
be surprised by what I've got to say about it, so stay
tuned!
4/10/07
Lately, there's been a lot of talk about a new web site called
Action Button, from the creators of Insert Credit and Large Prime Numbers. Like so
many other gaming sites, Action Button offers reviews of the
latest software for consoles like the Xbox 360 and Playstation
2. However, there's an important difference. From Zelda:
Twilight Princess to God of War II, each critique on Action
Button is written with the goal of antagonizing the reader. It's sort of
like Something Awful, with the bold-faced sarcasm replaced with overt criticism
of minor gameplay issues that would generally be squeezed into the end of other
reviews... if they're mentioned at all. Some have lauded this approach to
game criticism as daring, original, and thought-provoking. I think it's
manipulative, gimmicky, and hollow.
Action Button is edited by one
Tim Rogers. He's made a name for himself on the Internet with his, uh,
distinctive writing style, packed with long-winded anecdotes about his personal
life and absurd metaphors that swallow his reviews whole, leaving little room
for the games they're supposed to cover. In many ways, Rogers is
everything that I am not... successful, prolific, and fondly regarded, but also
evasive, indirect, and smugly assured of his own wit. He doesn't really
review games per se... he writes rambling Livejournal entries
with the shredded scraps of a game review sprinkled on top as a garnish.
Then people who really should know better pay him for it.
I resent
this style of writing. It demonstrates both the reviewer's love for
himself and a mocking contempt for the reader. If you'll pardon a metaphor
of my own, it's the journalistic equivalent of tying a dog out in the front yard
and dangling a juicy steak in front of it, regaling the slobbering beast with
tales about the cow it came from, the supermarket where it was purchased, and
the marinade it was left soaking in overnight, until at long last throwing a
small chunk of meat in the dirt, just within the hunger-crazed hound's
reach. Action Button worsens the situation by slapping the dog around with
the steak before giving it an enema with the sharpened end of the T-bone.
To put it in simpler terms (the kind Rogers never uses), Action Button is
dishonest and antagonistic, adding more static to an internet where
the signal to noise ratio is already appallingly low.
There's nothing
wrong with giving a wildly popular game a thumbs down. Heaven knows I've
done it plenty of times myself! However, if you're going to pan a game,
honesty should be the sole motivating factor in that decision.
Manipulating your readers in an effort to present yourself as avant-garde, or
wasting their time with page after page of irrelevant nonsense, is doing
them a huge disservice.
4/01/07
Can you believe it? The Gameroom Blitz is nearly eleven
years old. At the rate things are going, the site will be in publication
'till the sun goes supernova and all life on Earth is painfully
extinguished! Hopefully the server will have moved to another planet by
then...
Anyway, here's the latest gaming and tech news. That's why
you're here, right? Somebody might as well be giving you
this information today, since nobody else will! The latest from
Kotaku is that Toys 'R Us will be opening its floodgates and drowning its
customers in a sea of Nintendo Wiis. Nearly five months after its release,
the system is still as hard to find as prison stripes on Paris
Hilton... hopefully, the sudden generosity of Toys 'R Us coupled with Nintendo
hiring two more factories to produce consoles will change all that.
But
wait, there's more! Kingdom Hearts Final Mix Plus has been launched in
Japan... and it's brought with it news of another Kingdom Hearts title;
something darker and angrier than the previous games in the series. Oh
crap. If the marriage of Square and Disney characters wasn't hard ENOUGH
to swallow, now we'll have to deal with a Mickey Mouse who's got a tortured past
and a chip on his shoulder!
What else? Oh how I wish this was an
April Fool's joke, but apparently it's for real... Ninja Gaiden, the game that
threatened to melt your Xbox into a black puddle of goo with its life-like
visuals, is coming to the Nintendo DS. Indeed, Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword
doesn't look anywhere near as good as it did on the Xbox, but the editors from
IGN were pretty impressed with the game's control, claiming that it's
just as responsive as the Xbox version despite the almost exclusive use
of the touchscreen.
In other seemingly unlikely news, NiGHTS is
making his (or her?) comeback after an eleven year absence. Portugal's
Maxi Consola magazine has shown early pictures of the game, and while it's every
bit as vibrant as the Saturn original, it lacks the polish you'd expect
from ten years of technological advancements. It still has the potential
to be a lot of fun, though... if there were any controller that I'd want to use
to play a sequel to NiGHTS, the Wii remote would be it.
Just one more
thing, folks! I've updated the Nintendo DS page with five new
reviews. Swing on by and give it a look!