Rumble in the Canyon First in a line of Cosmo Canyon NPPR events Mike Tenay: Hi everybody! I’m Mike Tenay Bobby Heenan: I’m Bobby Heenan Jim Ross: And I’m Jim Ross. Welcome to Rumble in the Canyon. This is the first in a line of NPPR events by "Big Sexy" Owen Humphreys. Owen walks upto Jim Ross hands him twenty buck then walks away. JR: Thank you! BH: We have some GREAT matches scheduled for tonight. Such as Travis Allen VS Fritz Fraundorf, Ruby VS Luna, and in the main event the re-match HANPAN VS HUMPHREYS. MT: For an explanation of why the matches went down the way they did just read the bottom of the page. First bell sounds MT: Our first match is between Fritz Fraundorf and Travis Allen. Let’s goto the ring Fritz: Travis, do you REALLY wanna do this? Travis: HELL YEAH! I wanna run Cosmo Canyon for a week. Mills Lane: Ok you two! Let’s get it on! Fritz: HEY TRAVIS LOOK OVER THERE! IT’S YUFFIE! Points in the direction of the audience and Travis turns and looks. Travis: WHERE?! Where is she? Fritz then kicks Travis in the stomach and gives him the pedigree Travis: ch...ea...ter Fritz pins Travis for the three count. Ring Announcer: The winner and still owner of Cosmo Canyon FRITZ FRAUNDORF! BH: A classic diversionary tactic! MT: (mutters) You would think that, anyway let’s goto the ring for our next match! Ruby VS Luna. JR: Looks like it is gonna be a catfight! (Laughs hysterically) Oh lord I’m funny! MT: O-----kay, anyway, let’s goto the ring! Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen the next contest will be for Cait Sith’s hand in marriage! Cait Sith: (in the hospital and in prayer) please let Luna win! Please let Luna win... The bell rings and Ruby and Luna at instantly clawing each other Luna: Slut! Ruby: Whore! Luna: Yuffie! Yuffie: Gawd! Why does, like, everyone, like, pick on me, and like, stuff? Ruby: YOU DIE NOW WITCH! Ruby pulls out a bazooka and blasts Luna with it. Lane signals for the bell Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentleman, the winner by disqualification, LUNA! Cait Sith: (in the hospital and depressed) Oh Joy, I get to marry a puddle of goo. MT, JR, and BH: Eww. JR: (in a grim tone) Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d...I’d like to apologize for the actions you just saw I swear Ruby will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. BH: I didn’t think it was THAT bad. Tenay and Ross punch Heenan at the same time knocking him out. MT: Been wanting to do that for quite awhile. And now for the MAIN EVENT! JR: This is a rematch to one of the greatest matches of all time. MT: Sure is! Now let’s goto Michael Buffer in the ring! Michael Buffer: Ladies and Gentlemen, ARE YOU READY? I SAID ARE YYOU RRREADY?! THEN WITH THE THOUSANDS IN ATTENDANCE AND THE MILLIONS READING AROUND THE WORLD LLLET’S GET READY TO RUUUUMBBBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (EDITORS NOTE: I’m hoping the following music will work so please forgive me if it doesn’t.) "Stone Cold" Hanpan starts down the walkway to the ring accompanied by Spencer. MB: Entering the ring now wearing blue fur, and representing Cosmo Canyon. He’s 2’5" weighing 25 pounds, Hanpan! This Wind Rat has appeared in the award winning game WILD ARMS. He is currently the manager of Cait Sith and The Cute Animal Film Studios located in Midgar. Hanpan enters the ring and starts show boating to the delight of the crowd Hanpan: Thanks Buffer you’re NOT a simpleton MT: Did we hear that right? Did Hanpan say someone WASN’T a simpleton? Owen starts towards the ring accompanied by Kevin Nash. The crowd erupts in ovation MB: He is one of the members of NOW WÖLFPÄC, wearing Red and Black. He’s 5’5" weighing 105 pounds Owen Humphreys! He is a member of his schools student council, who spends WAAAAY too much of his time online. Spencer leaves the ring and Hanpan sits down in one corner while Kevin Nash and Owen grab the Mic. Kevin Nash: COSMO CANYON! WOLFPAC IN DA HOOOUUSE! Owen: DAMN RIGHT! Hanpan if you’re not with the pack, You’re hunted by the pack! So I’m gonna give you ONE chance to redeem yourself! Kevin Nash hands Hanpan his WOLFPAC T-shirt. Hanpan considers for a moment then rips it in half and throws it to the crowd. Lane: Ok you two, I want a fair tough clean fight, so, LET’S GET IT ON! The match starts off with Hanpan immediately turning into Mighty Mouse (Which was Ok because everyone already knows that he’s Mighty Mouse anyway.) Hanpan: HERE I COME TO WHOOP YOUR ASS! Owen: Here’s trouble... Hanpan begins with a barrage of punches to the face, knocking Owen to the mat. Hanpan: HOW YA LIKE THAT PUNK?! This moment of showboating cost Hanpan dearly. Owen punches Hanpan hard in the head sending him down. While the Referee checks with Hanpan Spencer quickly enters the ring with a chair and hit Owen with it. And as quickly as he came in He leaves. Kevin Nash is on the outside to meet him though. Hanpan seeing Owen down on the ground pins him. REF: 1...2...3! MT: HANPAN WINS! HANPAN WINS! JR: Owen shouldn’t have gone down like that! Meanwhile Kevin Nash just jackknifed Spencer and enters the ring to prevent Hanpan from taking any cheap shots. Hanpan promptly flies out of the ring (literally, remember he IS a windrat). Ring Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR CHAMPION "STONE COLD" HANPAN! Owen grabs the Mic Owen: DAMN YOU SPENCER AND HANPAN! CID AND I WILL SEE YOU AT THE NEXT NPPR, FRITZED OUT! Mike Tenay: Folks what a night that was until next time I’m Mike Tenay Jim Ross: I’m good old JR Bobby Heenan: And I’m...ow...umm...Bobby Heenan. Guys I think I have a concussion --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Authors Ramblings: Well that’s the first one in what I’m thinking six NNPR stories. I think I did pretty well considering it’s the first story I’ve ever written. Here are my explanations for the things that went on. First off I chose script form because I think it’s easier to write those fight scenes. I DID NOT REPEAT DID NOT decide who would win the matches. I flipped a coin on ALL of them. I wasn’t happy about me having to lose to Hanpan, but that’s life. I appreciate any and all comments, compliments, flames, etc. I’d appreciate it a lot if you were to give me some ideas for matches, they have to be Cosmo Canyon site related though. Here’s the for the next NPPR that I’ll start writing sometime next week (hopefully.) CLOUD VS. DOMINO RUFUS VS. CAIT SITH RUDE VS. RENO HANPAN AND SPENCER VS. OWEN HUMPHREYS AND CID. Thanks -Owen Humphreys OwenWOLFPC@aol.com LEGAL CRAP: All characters names and sayings are copyrighted and crap by their perspective owners. Please don’t sue me anyone, besides I’m a minor, but don’t sue. However THIS little story is copyright...ME! MWA HA HA! Steal it and you’ll very much regret it if I find out >:-). Again all things are copyright their perspective owners. GOOD NIGHT, GOOD FIGHT!