You know, I made it a point to avoid
Bing for the past year and a half, but Google's
recent about face on net neutrality (a pet cause of
mine, in case you hadn't noticed from the dozens of Twitter
posts) coupled with a recent
offer that lets you exchange points earned
on the search engine for the Xbox 360's online
currency has me thinking that I should give it a chance.
Hey, if Google can abandon its principles, why can't
I?
So, the tech
specs for Nintendo's 3DS have been
revealed by Digital Foundry, and I'm... well, not so much
disappointed as confused. The raw numbers are anything
but impressive, with the system packing two 266MHz processors,
a single 166MHz graphics chip, and 64 megs of RAM.
However, developers are insistent that you'll be playing with
power when you buy a 3DS, comparing the capabilities of
Nintendo's latest handheld to those of the Xbox 360 and
Playstation 3. I'm as skeptical about these claims as
Tiny Cartridge editor Eric Calioli, but I suppose the only
way we'll know for sure is when the system
is in our hands this... well, nobody knows for sure when
it'll be released. However, since September is nearly
over without so much as a peep from Nintendo, we can probably
count out that rumored holiday launch.
All right, enough out of me! I've
got Microsoft Points to stripmine from
Bing!
September 18,
2010... We're All A Part Of The
Hiber-nation
Funny how depression and inertness
go hand in hand, isn't it? When you're not feeling
happy, you don't feel like doing much of
anything. Even playing video games becomes a
chore, which is the exact opposite of what a video game is
supposed to be!
I must forge onward, though, since I
just received a handful of rechargeable batteries in the
mail. They're not just any rechargeables,
though... they're Sanyo Eneloops, which are supposed to hold a
charge and keep it there. That's in sharp
contrast to my old green label Duracells, which would sputter
out a couple of days after being juiced up, whether I was
using them or not. Nuts to that! If I am
in the mood for video games, I want my batteries to be ready
for action right away, rather than after an overnight
charge.
I'm going to break in these beauties
with a couple hours of Super Mario Galaxy 2 later
tonight. I'm still not convinced that it rivals
Mass Effect 2 as the game of the year, but I won't be
able to say for sure until I've spent some serious time
with it.
Before I go, here's some super-condensed
gaming news:
* New PSP. This one's specially
designed for Monster Hunter, with a larger, more comfortable
analog thumbpad and... not much else. Well, it's got
decals on the back! Yeah, I'm really reaching
here.
* Activision wants to sell a DVD filled
with Starcraft II cut scenes. I guess Bobby Kotick was
worried he was getting soft and wanted to prove to the world
that he's still able (and eager) to put the screws to his
customers.
* Twin martial artists Yun and Yang will
be introduced to the arcade version of Super Street Fighter
IV, with the characters expected to migrate to home consoles
shortly afterward. As long as you're pulling characters
from Street Fighter III, Capcom, why not show us a little
Elena love?
* Feeling increasingly pinched by
flagging interest in video games on their shores, Japanese
publishers are turning to American software and
hardware for their salvation. So many Japanese titles
are being developed for the Kinect that you'd have a hard time
telling that the Xbox 360 was a colossal failure in that
country.
Thanks to Joystiq, Andriasang, etc. etc.
for the
information.
September 15,
2010... Unleash The
Beast
Sorry this is a touch late. Okay,
three days isn't so much a "touch" as "getting to
third base," but you get the idea. Anyway, I
thought it was high time for a new banner, and with all the
talk of progressive rock in the forum, this seemed like the
right one to use. Oh, Shadow of the Beast, you're almost
as gorgeous as you were twenty years ago! Too bad your
gameplay still stinks.
That's all for now. Now if you'll
excuse me, I have to dance around and giggle like a schoolgirl
on helium about the news that Radiant Silvergun is
coming to Xbox Live. Wait, there's a sequel to Fire
Pro Wrestling, too? Oh man, this
night just gets better and
better!
September 12, 2010... We
Are The Galaxians
I don't like talking about National
Exploit Your Voters With Fear Day, but there
was one great thing that came out
of 9/11 this year. Some Bible-thumping boob who
tried to burn the Koran was thwarted in the most gnarly way possible
by a skateboarder, who snatched it out of his hands before he
could set the book ablaze. Now there's a trick
you won't see in the next Tony Hawk game! Special thanks
go to mi amigo Shawn Struck for catching this
news.
What's with this sudden pissing
match between the world's religions, anyway? It
seems like every other day, some blowhard is torching someone
else's holy text. I don't remember Ronald
McDonald incinerating Whoppers ("How's THAT for
flame-broiling?!") or representatives from Coca-Cola pouring
Pepsi down the toilet. As far as I'm concerned,
it's all just different brands of the
same crap.
(Why yes, I have become
disillusioned with Christianity lately! Can you
tell?)
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all
that I brought this hot little number home from a nearby
yard sale:
It was just a dollar, too! Can you
believe it? As a big fan of Coleco's miniature
arcade cabinets, finding this especially rare model was like
Christmas in September. I wasn't able to get it to run
at first, but a thorough cleaning and a bending of the spring
in the battery holder got it right back on its
feet.
So how is it? Well, like
most tabletop games from the 1980s, Coleco's Galaxian
ain't much by today's standards. I've got a TV game
stashed away in a box somewhere that plays a much closer
conversion of Galaxian, along with four other Namco arcade
classics. However, this little machine must have been a
mindblower back in 1982. It actually plays
three games, including the expected headliner, an
amusingly shameless clone of Space Invaders, and a head to
head title that plays a lot like the arcade obscurity Space
Laser. Even the kids who had to
spend nearly sixty bucks for this back in the bygone days of
bizarre haircuts and unreasonably expensive technology got a
lot for their money. The realistic cabinet design is a
bonus... the marquee and artwork bordering the screen are both
lifted straight from the arcade game, making it fun to
have around even when you're not playing it.
There are a couple of
other things I wanted to mention about this little marvel
before I sign off. First, there's not a single mention
of the original creators of Galaxian anywhere on this
damn thing, inside or out. Midway gets all the credit,
which is likely why Namco kicked them to the curb and licensed
its games to another American distributor in the mid
1980s. Second, I want you to take a close look at
this logo, spirited away in the dead of night from
RetroCPU:
It took me over thirty years to realize
that it was a knock-off of Roger Dean's style. I've
been a progressive rock fan for a decade and was obsessed with
Psygnosis the decade before... how did I not notice this
earlier?!
September 10,
2010... Project Sixty
Dollar
This
can't be good news for GameStop. An
appeals court has ruled that computer software companies that
only sell the license to their software, not the
software itself, can legally bar owners from reselling
it. It's not hard to see the neighboring video
game industry exploiting this ruling to its own
ends... just a few quick changes to the fine print in the back
of the instruction manual and blammo, each game becomes an
anchor which the buyer can't legally throw
overboard.
I would advise game publishers to
approach this ruling with extreme caution... with the economy
in a slump and gamers more pressed than ever for cash, selling
what they already have is often the only way they can afford
new games. Forcing your customers to buy new
every time isn't going to boost sales. If anything, it
will have the opposite effect, pushing entire
segments of the industry into bankruptcy and shifting a
currently strong market into neutral. Think very
carefully before you kill the goose that lays your golden
eggs.
September 8,
2010... Face the
Facebook
Well, I've thought about it for months,
but at long last I've deleted my Facebook account. It
was an issue of privacy... not so much from corporations
interested in the brand of chips I eat and the kind of shampoo
I use to keep my hair bouncy and manageable, but from that
huge network of family members and past acquaintances who
manage to hone in on you with deadly accuracy. There's
no bigger drag for a guy who lives most of his life on
the Internet than having his relatives invade that
personal space. I can talk to you guys in
real life... I don't need you rummaging through my
online drawers and closets. As for the people
who tormented me in high school, well, they can stay
stranded in the past where they belong.
So! Here's a brief recap of the
news that happened over the last few days, which I more or
less slept through:
* The Playstation MOVE has found its way
into a few test households. I don't know what
their reaction has been to the device, but an
attendee at PAX complained that it
was "awkward to use, inaccurate as hell, with
jaw-dropping lag and (ahem) wallet-killing prices." And
those were its good qualities! Maybe it just
wasn't working well amidst the chaos of America's
favorite dork expo... or maybe the other console manufacturers
shouldn't have underestimated the difficulty of making a
motion control peripheral that functions as
advertised.
* Nintendo just updated its firmware for
the DSi series of handheld game systems, breaking support for
a slew of flash cartridges. You've got two solutions to
the problem... either fall back on that old DS Lite packed
away in your closet, or just do what I do and forgot that the
DSiWare Store exists. Hell, I did that even
before the firmware update.
* Steve Jobs is making a big stink about
crushing both Nintendo and Sony, COMBINED!!!, in overall
handheld game sales. Well, spluh, you're selling cheap
novelties for a dollar each, while your competition
is investing the necessary time, effort, and money
in making actual games. If I had the
online presence and rabidly loyal fans that
Apple has, I could have sold a million one dollar fart
simulators too.
* Having said that, the new iPod Touch
looks pretty friggin' sweet. Too bad I'll be saving my
money for a 3DS! HA!
* Keita Takahashi of Katamari Damacy
fame, and Noby Noby Boy non-fame, has just left Namco,
presumably due to its poor promotion of the latter
release. Now he can fully devote himself to making...
wait, children's toys for public parks? Really, that's
his lifelong dream? Talk about your misplaced
priorities.
Thanks to Joystiq for the
scoops. Joystiq: the only widely read game blog that
won't make you cover your face in
shame!
September 4, 2010... The
Other Whine M
You know, I was kind of looking forward
to Other M, but after seeing this, my frothing demand for this
game just dropped through the floor. What's with
the crybaby routine? Why is Samus re-enacting a
scene from a Lifetime television movie while battling
Ridley, a creature she's killed with ease at least twice
before? I know I would crap my pants to a
golden brown if a giant pterodactyl man with spider eyes came
swooping down at me, but Samus Aran is a walking tank.
She's got missiles, she's got a freeze gun,
she's got some goddamned dignity!
In retrospect, the notion of trying to
humanize a metal-plated bounty hunter seems a little
hairbrained to me. Maybe it's because Team Ninja handled
it so damned poorly, or maybe it's just because I don't
want to think of Samus as anything but a weapon of
mass destruction with a well-concealed gooey center. Way
back in 1988, I felt that same sense of nail-biting
terror when I first confronted Ridley on my NES, but Samus
was totally unphased, launching missile after
missile into his jagged beak. Maybe that's the way it
should have stayed. Don't tell me how Samus feels during
a tense, desperate moment... make me feel
it.
September 2,
2010... Cool
Runnings
Fall weather has arrived at last!
Now I can finally play my Xbox 360 without fear of it turning
into a bubbling pile of plastic! Now, uh, what do I
play...?
While I'm mulling that over, here's the
latest industry news. Footage of Mega Man Universe was
recently revealed on Joystiq, and the game strongly,
strongly resembles the PSP title Mega Man:
Powered Up, from the polygonal characters in a 2D
environment to a design utility that lets you craft
your own stages. What's different is the option to play
as characters from other Capcom games, including Street
Fighter's Ryu. I'm not sure how well that'll work, but
it's not like this is without precedent...
Also, Microsoft has taken video game
controllers to the next level with its latest creation...
no, I'm not talking about the Kinect! This is even
better... it's the world's first gamepad
with a foreskin! Keep it raised for most
games, then pull it down for more precise movement in Street
Fighter IV (or for daily cleansing. Remember, use a
gentle soap!).
Finally, there's word from Andria
Sang (she sounds hot, is she hot?) that
Nintendo plans to release a Super Mario Bros. collection for
the Wii at the end of October. Details are extremely
vague at this point... it may just be a straight port of the
Super NES release Super Mario All-Stars, and it might be an
update to that update, with polygonal graphics and
all the other bells and whistles afforded by 21st century
technology. We'll know for sure when the game is
released late next month.
Oh! Just one more thing.
They're calling Conan O'Brien's next show Conan. Yeah,
that's it. I hope the show is more
inspired...
August 30,
2010... Rollercoaster
Ride
The price of Nintendo's DSi and DSi XL
have dropped twenty dollars! Yay!
The price of an Xbox Live Gold
subscription has gone up ten dollars!
Boo!
Times like this make me glad I've
got a Playstation 3 around, on the off-hand chance I feel
social enough to play games online... and masochistic enough
to do it with a 3G connection.
Those wastes of oxygen the industry
generously calls "analysts" claim that the Xbox Live Gold
service is "an incredible value," but you know what's an even
better value? Free online gaming, with tangible
bonuses for paid subscriptions. The best Microsoft can
offer are discounts for Gold members... meanwhile, PSN+
subscribers get games as part of their plan. Granted,
they don't get to keep them after the subscription
expires, and as a firm believer in the Pat Sajak philosophy of
"once you buy a prize it's yours to keep," that doesn't sit
well with me. However, even temporary games are better
than what you get with a Gold subscription, which ain't
much. Last.fm, Twitter, and
Facebook? Yeah, my computer beat you to those by at
least four years. ESPN? This is a game
system... if I want to fling a ball around like a
well-trained seal, I could do that in one of the Madden
games that GameStop is selling for three bucks at the front of
the store. Netflix? Now you're just double
dipping. If I have a Netflix subscription, I shouldn't
have to subscribe to another service to use it.
I'll just use my computer instead. Or my Wii. Or
my Playstation 3. Or forget the whole thing and buy
videos ala carte from Amazon.
I'm not seeing the "incredible value"
here. You're charging for the internet's table scraps,
along with extraneous and irrelevant features that may not
appeal to your audience. If anything, you're charging
Xbox 360 owners a fee for their loyalty, and that's not going
to keep them loyal for long. With the
Wii far ahead of you in sales and the Playstation 3
uncomfortably close behind, you can't afford to make that
mistake.
August 26, 2010... Does
This New Head Make Me Look
Fat?
If you thought the Microsoft Avatars
couldn't get any worse, you've underestimated both the
power of the Xbox 360 and the stupidity of its marketing
department!
New,
personality-free avatars... yet another
reason you'll hate the Kinect, coming soon to (and
never leaving) a store near
you!
August 25, 2010... The
Great Xbox Revival
I finally replaced my Xbox 360...
hooray! However, my inner penny pincher insisted
that I purchase it from eBay, and I wound up with a "new" unit
that was less new than advertised. Not only was it
was manufactured in 2005, guaranteeing that it
has the failure-prone Xenon motherboard, but it had a
Disney movie stuck in the disc tray, proving that
it's neither fresh from the factory or
untouched by its previous owners.
Having said all that, I'm relieved
to report that it's working fine so far, and I've
purchased a SquareTrade warranty as a little added
insurance. If the new Xbox fails any time
from the end of October to three Halloweens from now, I should
get my money back. I just hope it survives that
long...
Now that I've been reboxed, I made up
for lost time by downloading the Scott Pilgrim demo and an
Indie Games release called Gravitron X. I've grown weary
of the hype surrounding the ever-growing Canadian
franchise (who is this guy, and why should I care?),
but the Scott Pilgrim game is actually pretty swank thanks to
brilliant artwork from the creator of Pirate Baby and a
tight feel that brings back fond memories of River City
Ransom. Hell, the game practically beats you over the
head with Kunio-kun references, ranging from a store
called "Flatirons Books" to an underground rock band named
Crash and the Boys. If people had been that
excited about River City Ransom back in 1989, Technos would
still be in business!
As for Gravitron X, it's a nifty remake
of the Atari arcade game Gravitar, with a lot of features
players probably wished Gravitar had. A shield protects
you from incoming shots (sometimes even deflecting them back
at the assailants for bonus points!), and you can not only
touch down on the planet's surface, but cling to cavern walls,
letting you pick off subterranean targets without
having to worry about that pesky gravity bringing you
down. The game starts out almost insultingly
easy, but stick with it and you'll be rewarded with some of
the best level design you've ever seen in a gravity-based
shooter. If you loved Sub-Terrania on the Genesis or
Solar Jetman on the NES, you've got to get this. It's
just a dollar! What do you have to
lose?
August 22, 2010... Back
to the Old Drawing Board
The more I read about the Kinect, the
less I like it. Just look at the upcoming Fighters Uncaged...
Joystiq reports that the peripheral's response time is so
sluggish that the developers of the game needed to add
quick time events for combos, rather than letting the player
use his own natural fighting style. (Mine's an elegant
blend of Girly Slap-Fu and Not-In-The-Face Kwon Do.)
Wasn't this the issue people were having
with the Nintendo Wii? You know, kludgy games
that offered rough, unsatisfying approximations of
real-life experiences. All I've heard so far leads me to
believe that the Kinect will not only suffer from the same
problem, but exacerbate it with lag times up
to a fifth of a second long. Come on
Microsoft, today's gamers fly into a rage when their online
matches drop a few frames. Did you really think an input
device that's always one step behind the player would be
acceptable? Add the Kinect's inability to read the
reactions of sitting players and a camera resolution far lower
than what the Xbox can produce onscreen, and you've got the
biggest motion control misstep this side of the U-Force.
Deaf gamers are already pissed that the Kinect isn't precise
enough to read sign language, but I have a funny feeling they
won't be the only ones with an axe to grind once it's
finally
released.
August 20, 2010... A
Crappy Thing Happened On The Way To The
Forum
Sorry I haven't updated in a while,
gang. I'm still stinging over the fallout from a recent
drama explosion on the forum. Wouldn't you know it,
something actually happens over there for a
change, and it's something that absolutely nobody
wanted!
I tried to handle the mess as
diplomatically as possible, but I think I may have
permanently lost a member over this. If
he returns after the suspension, he'll be as welcome
as anyone else, but if not... I'm sorry it ended
this way. I don't have many members on the forum and I
don't take the loss of any one of
them lightly.
Some things I should
probably clarify to everyone else... first, the
Twitter account is for brief site updates and personal
musings. It's not intended to be used as an instant
messaging service. Occasional responses are fine,
but please don't overdo it. I wish I would have put
that on the table before all this came to pass, because it
would have avoided a lot of hurt feelings and
resentment.
Second, any donations made to The
Gameroom Blitz will be used at my discretion. I can't
promise I'll use the money in any specific way, because things
come up (bills, mostly) and I have to deal with them
first. The money from the last donation drive was
intended for an Xbox, but the release of the slimline
system coupled with more pressing obligations convinced me to
put those plans on hold. I'm still working
on getting that replacement, but it probably won't
be a slim... the price of the console plus a brand
new hard drive would just be redonkulous!
Finally, while I deeply appreciate
donations, they won't grant you special privileges on the
forum or anywhere else. I try to be equitable when
dealing with members of the forum, and no amount of money is
going to give you an edge in a dispute. Unless you give
me a million dollars, of course, in which I'll just
give you the forum and you can do whatever the hell
you want with it.
I'm glad I got that off my
chest. Enjoy the
site.
August 17, 2010... Too
Much Time On My Hands
My recent collegelessness has left me
with a lot of extra free time, and I've been thinking of ways
to fill that vacuum. Let's see... perhaps I should
write more articles for 1UP and earn enough
money to finally move out of state. Nah, that makes
too much sense. Maybe I could dance around in my
underwear to the strains of Bob Segar? No, no,
that has totally been done. Sleep! There's
always sleep, right? Nah, I just spent the last
eight hours doing that.
Wait, I've got it! I'll
hack some of my old game systems! I've always been
meaning to improve the quality of my Lynx's screen, and I
can't think of a better time to do it. Recently, I was
told by a member of AtariAge about a French
mod that replaces the system's
power-hungry fluorescent light with a pair of white
LEDs. That's a good place to start... even if it doesn't
make the display crisper, the boost in battery life will at
least make the Lynx portable. So I
rolled up my sleeves, took out my tools and supplies, and got
right to work.
Here is an ordinary, average Lynx II
which has no idea of the horrors that await it...
Well, it sure knows now!
Disassembling a Lynx, or at least this model, isn't too
difficult. You flip over the system, then peel off the
two rubber hand guards on the back. Be sure to take the
adhesive backing along with them or you won't be able to stick
them back on when you're finished. Carefully pull off
the battery holder and you'll have three components... the
bottom half of the plastic case, the system motherboard, and
the top half of the case with the speaker, screen, and
buttons. By the way, the controller built into the Lynx
is surprisingly strong, with a solid
feel and snappy response that's exactly the opposite
of what you'd expect from the square-edged buttons and
directional pad.
Unscrew the screen on the top half of
the system and this is what you'll see... on the left is a
transparent liquid crystal display, and on the right is the
backlight. Yes, that's a fluorescent
bulb, held over a shiny convex surface.
This reflects the light back onto the screen for maximum
brightitude, and a semi-opaque plastic cover (not shown) snaps
onto the enclosure, spreading the light evenly.
White LEDs, sweet givers of
energy-efficient light! These babies were invented in
1993, which was much too late to have done the Atari Lynx any
good. Even later handhelds like the Neo-Geo Pocket shied
away from their use because they were so expensive.
Fortunately, technology has progressed to the point
where you can get a baggie of them on eBay for
about ten bucks. Alternately, you can go to Radio Shack
and buy a pair of lights for two dollars, but I'll be
waiting outside to smack you upside the head with a rolled up
newspaper for being so stupid.
This is the most fun part of the mod...
as long as you're not me! After pulling out the
fluorescent bulb, you'll need to clip off the ends so you can
fit a couple of white LEDs inside them. Remember to wrap
either side in tape to keep the glass from shattering.
Also remember to use Scotch tape, instead of this
pitch black electrical tape that the LEDS can't shine
through. (You tend to learn these things as you go
along.)
Be advised that there are risks involved
in this step. The bulb contains CFLs which are hazardous
to the environment and probably not too good for you
either. One acquaintance asked me if I had worn latex
gloves while opening the tube. When I answered "no," he
told me to say "hi" to Madame Curie for me. (Gallows
humor is more entertaining when you're not the
punchline...)
Also, the contents of the bulb are under
pressure, so even if the trace amounts of mercury
inside don't make you as mad as a hatter, you can expect
the cap on one end to blast off into the next county the
moment you crack open the glass. It may even take a
bit of your finger with it!
Ouchies. I recommend that you just
stick the LEDs inside some plastic tubing instead, if you
can find some with the right diameter and opacity.
Here's the Lynx motherboard again, this
time with the wires for the LEDs soldered into
place. The two wires on the left are for ground, while
the other two have been soldered on the middle pin of the
power supply jack. This can be tricky, because
it's sandwiched between two other pins and it's exceedingly
easy to bridge them with a stray drop of molten metal.
Adding to the stress is the fact that you'll have to stick
three wires on this crowded bit of circuit board real estate,
including one leading to the battery terminal (shown
below).
Once the wires have been soldered to the
LEDs and the tube has been inserted into the screen enclosure,
it's time to put the Lynx back together. Screw the
screen back onto the front of the system, then insert the
battery holder and gently set the motherboard into the case,
tucking the wires behind it so they're not sticking
out. When all that's done, put on the other
half of the system's plastic case and screw it on
tight. Be sure to slap the hand guards back on too
if they'll still stick.
I tested a handful of games once the mod
was finished, and here are the results. This is
Roadblasters, an amazing conversion of the Atari
arcade title and one of the shining moments in the Lynx's
short life. The modification hasn't really
improved the quality of the display... saturation has taken a
hit, with the yellows in particular losing some of their
punch. However, it really does work as
advertised. You can switch off the backlight and even
adjust its brightness with the dial on the top of the system,
just as you could with the standard fluorescent
bulb.
This is Todd's Adventures in Slime
World. It's likely the least appealing name for a video
game this side of Alzadick, but the
actual game is pretty compelling; the kind of hearty
side-scrolling adventure that the Lynx needed a lot more of in
its diet. Pay close attention to the title... the screen
is sharp enough for you to notice that "Slime" is transparent,
with the craters of "World" visible beneath it.
Protuberancias! This is
Elvira and the Party Monsters, one half of Atari's Pinball
Jam. While the game itself is nothing special- you could
play Dragon's Fury or Pokemon Pinball Ruby and Sapphire or
Last Gladiators or Rollerball and have a lot more fun- I
thought I'd post this picture anyway because I'm really
fond of Elvira. It's not for the most obvious reasons,
either... actress Cassandra Peterson is just perfect
in that role; so sharp and bubbly! Wait, I'm talking
about the breasts again, aren't I?
Finally, here's a snapshot of the
introductory sequence from Zaku. One thing I've noticed
is that this mod really washes out the blues... the title
screen is especially tough to see because of Zaku's jacket and
the stormy sky behind her. I'd probably go blind trying
to finish the underwater stage.
So, would I recommend trying this?
That depends... exactly how much time do you spend out of the
house with a twenty year old handheld? If the answer is
higher than zero, you might want to think about this.
One of the most damning flaws of the Lynx, and all color
handhelds from the early 1990s, is the terrible battery
life... you're lucky to squeeze more than a couple of
hours out of a handful of AAs. Although I've only
tested the Lynx with an AC adapter so far, I'm told that this
mod stretches the system's battery life to a very
comfortable eight to twelve hours, depending on the type
of batteries used. The screen may also look better
outdoors, although since I'm still chained to a power outlet I
can't confirm that. (Mental note: buy some stinking
batteries, you cheapass.)
This was a fun experiment, and I'm
tempted to try it on a couple of my other handhelds just
for kicks. There was a similar mod featured on Tiny
Cartridge about a week ago, except much more elaborate...
someone had taken his old GameBoy and installed tri-color
LEDs, letting him choose between a rainbow of colors with the
flick of a few switches. Maybe I should take
that neglected GameBoy Pocket out of the shed and
put a little light in its
life...
August 15, 2010... Flame
Off!
Just one more day of this heinous heat
and we'll get some decent weather for a change!
Go, fall! Boo, sun!
Since I can't think of any pressing
video game news, this is going to be one of those
self-indulgent personal posts. Lucky you, huh?
Anyway... I finished the last class I needed to graduate from
college, so I should have a diploma by the end of the year,
unless the university is struck by a meteorite or I'm devoured
by a pack of rabid guinea pigs. I'm pretty excited about
this, as you might imagine... I've been working on this degree
for years, and it didn't seem like it was ever going
to happen. Even when I met all the baseline
requirements, I was told I had to take a metric buttload of
junior-level classes to graduate. Now that the buttload
is, er, behind me, all I have to do is wait for December, when
the papers are processed and shipped to me. I may take a
couple of extra classes to keep me occupied until that
happens, but they're strictly optional... I'll just pick a
couple of fun gimmies and use the loan money to relocate to a
city with better employment prospects.
With college (more or less) out of the
way, I've finally got time to fully immerse myself in video
games. First, this damned Xbox 360 has got to go.
As you may recall, I repaired it back in June, but it only
took a month before the machine went right back to its red
ringing ways. It's been playing an aggravating game of
cat and mouse with me ever since, running like a dream
whenever the case is off but flashing its reds once
it's reassembled. I've given this machine enough chances
to get with the program... now what it's getting is
replaced. The money from the donation drive is long
gone, but payment for my latest 1UP article is forthcoming, so
I'll be using some of the cash to pick up one of those
cheap Jaspers that have been popping up at retail
stores. As for this old system, well, it's going to
a better place. Or rather, the same place,
but with a big hole in it! (cocks
shotgun)
I may be sans Xbox for a while, but
don't cry for me Argentina, for I have plenty of other ways to
occupy myself while waiting for Hearst to cough up my
check. I still haven't finished Super
Mario Galaxy 2, and I've been itching to retrofit my Atari
Lynx with white LEDs... I don't know if that's going to
improve the quality of the screen, but it should boost the
battery life considerably. The backlight in an
Atari Lynx is a fluorescent bulb; a much smaller version of
the high-intensity lighting used in supermarkets.
Replace that with two energy efficient LEDs and the battery
life shoots through the roof, reaching an impressive twelve
hours with a fresh set of alkalines. That's more gaming
on the go than I can get out of my DSi! Now if only I
could ditch the AAs and drop in a rechargeable
battery
pack...
August 10, 2010... Hey
Hey, The Gang's All Here
A few months back I reviewed Yakuza 3
for the site. It was pretty good as reviews go, but this
one is better. Writer Jake Adelstein
talks to three real yakuza members about the game,
who applaud it for its realism but claim more often than not
that it represents a bygone era for the criminal
organization. "I've never been to Okinawa, but Kabukicho
is dead on," one remarks as he wanders through the fictional
streets of Kamurocho. Another replies, "You mean the
old Kabukicho. Governor Ishihara's totally
ruined the place. It's like a ghost town." Later,
the gang members all agree that hero Kazama Kiryu conducts
himself the way the old yakuza did... as an agent of social
order, keeping the streets clean and the people happy.
Wistful nostalgia is a recurring
theme throughout the interview, which is something you
wouldn't expect from hardened gangsters. Then again, you
wouldn't expect them to wear T-shirts with cartoon cats on
them in public, either. (One of the hoods complains
about Kiryu's bright red Hawaiian shirt. Adelstein
thinks better than to point out the
hypocrisy.)
August 8, 2010... Zonk,
Zonk! I'm Zonking!
There's a review of Zaku on the Atari
Lynx page. I've got to tell you, I
was a little disappointed with this one... you're not
going to find a better shooter on the Lynx, and it's probably
the best homebrew on the system too, but it lacks
the hook that's the key to success in its
genre. It's basically Air Zonk, without the
gameplay elements that distinguished Air Zonk from other
shooters. Turns out that Air Zonk gets dull in a hurry
without the chance to transform into a robotic Madonna
shooting milk from the tips of her torpedo
bra...
Also, if you need some good deals on
video game systems and can stomach the thought of setting foot
into a K-Mart, now's the
time to do it. Among other things, the second-rate
retail chain is selling a PSP-3000 with Gran Turismo for just
$129.99, seventy dollars off the standard retail price.
Then you can throw out the copy of Gran Tursimo and try
something more enjoyable, like Burnout Legends or WipeOut Pure
or dental
surgery.
August 7,
2010... Anything Less Would Be...
Uncivilized
Good news for iPhone owners... Civilization
Revolution is free for a limited
time. If you like you some turn-based strategy, you'd
better jump on this deal before it expires!
If you're looking for even more gaming
without those pesky price tags, my current boss over at 1UP,
Scott Sharkey, has the answer in his latest feature, Another 101 Free
Games. They're mostly browser based,
but many are still worth your time... particularly Blast
RPG, the pinnacle of the launch game genre
and an
unnervingly addictive distraction. Bah,
sleep... who needs it,
anyway?
August 5, 2010... Green
Clovers, Blue Diamonds, Bald Game
Designers?
Yeah, I'm fudging the date. To
paraphrase Slash, it's eleven o'clock
somewhere!
This is going to be a quick update... I
just had to post about one of the most bizarre
contests in video game history. Yes,
even stranger than Name This Game, but not
quite as strange as Acclaim paying a couple to name
their first-born son Turok. On an episode of the
Engadget podcast, special guest and Fable series creator Peter
Molyneux took a break from making unrealistic promises to
ask the audience for a box of Lucky Charms. The reward
for this fetch quest was an appearance as a non-player
character in the upcoming Fable III. Monica Reyes and
Jay, uh, something (dammit Destructoid, give me something to
work with here!) returned to the studio first with boxes of
the sugary cereal, so you'll be able to seduce them
with constant blasts of flatulence once the game is
released this October.
(No news on whether or not Molyneux
asked them to pick out all the oat pieces
first.)
August 3, 2010... One
Tough Nerd Makes For One Happy
Nerd
You know, I really shouldn't get
political here, but the returns are in for the Michigan
primaries, and Rick
Snyder has emerged victorious among the
Republicans looking to replace Jennifer "Mayor from South
Park" Granholm as this state's governor. I'm not fond of
conservatives these days, but it's hard not to root
for a guy who proudly calls himself "one tough
nerd." His soft-spoken demeanor and refusal to sling mud
along with the other candidates was a refreshing change of
pace from the status quo of frothing right wingers.
The fact that he was able to defeat Mike
Cox, who looks like the kind of guy who
stuffed me into garbage cans when I was in high
school, warms my heart. I hope Snyder's good
fortune will lead him straight to the front steps of
the governor's mansion this November.
All right, now onto the gaming news you
crave, but have likely already gotten from other web
sites. I've heard through the grapevine (actually, more
like the Gel-vine) that Arc
System Works has released the first downloadable character for
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift. Her name is Makoto,
and she's approximately 20% squirrel and 80%
fan-pandering cheesecake. Gel claims that her damage
ratio is very low, forcing the player to string together huge
combos to bring down opponents. So in other words, she
should fit right in with the rest of the
cast. It'll cost 560 Microsoft fun bucks (roughly
seven dollars) to ride this wild rodent, so I hope you've got
some spare change bouncing around in your bank
account.
Also, I'm hearing distressing news
(mostly from Eurogamer) that the
latest Castlevania game kind of stinks. I guess I
shouldn't be surprised... the labyrinthine levels of
Symphony of the Night and its progeny don't lend themselves
well to a frantic party game. I guess that's what this
is supposed to be! I was never clear on the mechanics,
but I do know from EuroGamer's review that you'll be dragged
back to a starting point some twenty minutes from the boss if
you screw up. Gee, sounds like fun! Evidently
Konami ran out of those spinny 20-sided dice that transform
into coffins...
Finally, someone made another handheld
game system from the guts of an NES. Oh wait, this one
plays both NES and Super NES games!
Unsurprisingly, it's also the size of a bus. This was
cute back when Ben Heckendorn was the only one doing it, but
the whole notion of self-made, semi-portable game systems is
getting a little long in the tooth. If you're going to
keep making these, why not get a little creative and try some
systems nobody else has tried? I haven't seen any love
for the Fairchild Channel F yet. From anyone,
really, but especially not from the soldering gun-slingers in
Heckendorn's fan club.
There, that should keep you for a few
more
days.
July 31, 2010... August
Already?
Sure looks that way. Hopefully the
new month will bring with it more pleasant weather... I'm
getting sick of having my eyebrows singed off every time I
walk outside.
Anyway, you'll probably notice that I've
made some changes to the sidebar. The PayPal donation
button wasn't working properly, but it should be fine
now. Thanks to my friend Shawn Struck for catching
that. Also, I've taken the liberty of updating the
Twitter feed... I'm not really crazy about the
added window dressing, but at least my inane,
up-to-the-minute chatter is viewable in Opera and Chrome
now. Thanks to, uh, me for getting off my ass and
finally fixing this.
So! There was a big brouhaha over
at AtariAge recently. Turned out that the web site Bee's
Life had uploaded a bunch of ColecoVision ROMs, including
several homebrews which were already being sold as cartridges
by their creators. The brewers fumed about this
theft of their intellectual property, until somone pointed out
that many of their own games were clones of
copyrighted games and not necessarily legal in and of
themselves. A long, awkward silence followed.
Personally speaking, I'm not worried
about people distributing my games, as long as
they don't try to pass them off as their own
work. You're never going to get rich selling Pac-Man
knock-offs on obsolete hardware... you do it to show your love
for the hobby, and to bring all the "what ifs?" of your
childhood to fruition. I always wondered what GORF would
be like on the GameBoy Advance, and now I know.
It's also a thrill to be part of
the scene; to be able to stand up and say "Hey, I
just made a game on the system that made David Crane and
Howard Scott Warshaw and Warren Robinette nerdly
legends." That's your payment right there... to stand in
the footsteps of the industry's pioneers and take a small
sliver of that immortality for yourself. Anything you
get beyond that is gravy.
When I made Solar Plexus back in 2005, I
made enough in royalties to afford a couple of lunches at
McDonald's. I certainly wasn't going to retire on that
money, but that wasn't the point. From now on, whenever
someone makes an Atari 2600 price guide, they'll have to add
Solar Plexus to the list, right between Solar Fox and Solar
Storm. I've made a place for myself in video game
history, and that is
enough.
July 28, 2010... Sprung
on the Cat
Must... force... self... to
update! Mustn't... talk... like... William
Shatner! Must... avoid... starring in crappy CBS
sitcoms!
Anyway. Good Deal Games was kind
enough to send me a care package including not only a copy of
my GameBoy Advance release GORF (it's real! It's really,
really real!), but a couple of their other titles for the
system, along with that holy grail of Lynx homebrews,
Zaku. For those of you who missed the memo, Zaku is a
side-scrolling shooter best described as America's answer to
the Turbografx-16 release Air Zonk. As the spawn of
Sonic the Hedgehog and that cranky chihuahua from Ren and
Stimpy, you must defeat a gang of evil penguins and their
minions to recover a game development kit known only as
"Rarity 9."
I had planned to review Zaku on the site
as soon as I received it, but I'm currently experiencing...
technical difficulties. Specifically, the day I got the
game in the mail was the same day my Lynx II decided to flake
out on me, dropping a wall of green pixels in the center of
the screen. I don't know if the problem can be fixed by
reflowing the solder connecting the display to the system's
main board, but I'm certainly willing to try.
Anything to squeeze a few more days of life out of my Lynx and
keep a few more dollars in my bank account, I say!
While I'm poking around in there, I'm
giving serious thought to replacing the backlight; taking out
the large, power-hungry bulbs and replacing them with energy
conservant white LEDs. Don't worry folks, I haven't gone
all hippy on you... this is mostly just to improve
the clarity of the screen. The Lynx's color display may
have been hot shit back in 1989, but now that we're in the
21st century, it's more like cold diahrrea in a Dixie
cup. After the iPod Touch and the DSi and the GameBoy
Micro, it's very hard to go back to the Lynx's milky white
screen, with or without a green stripe running down the
middle.
Speaking of more modern handhelds, the
3DS version of Super Street Fighter IV is estimated by Famitsu
to be 10% complete, with a flood of pictures being posted on
both Joystiq and Destructoid. The low resolution makes
the game seem kind of rough next to its Xbox 360 and PS3
counterparts (and Ken here looks like he wants some of them
fried potaters...), but maybe it'll look better in action and
without the graphics blown up to triple their actual
size. No word yet on if the recently announced Street
Fighter vs. Tekken will be finding its way to the 3DS, but if
the system is a hit it's probably a safe bet. (I'd
still rather have a Match of the Millennium sequel
with Namco and Capcom characters, though!)
Finally, British readers of the
Blitz (provided they exist) should probably be
warned that my ongoing ZX Spectrum series on 1UP.com
is coming to an end. However, it's being wrapped up with
a massive feature called the Spectraspective, including a
detailed history of the popular computer and
interviews with both fans and developers. I just
finished the massive seven page article a couple of days
ago, and it should be posted on the site shortly, after
revisions are made and images are added. I may also
review the BBC television movie Micro Men, provided I can find
all the clips on YouTube or download it from another
(preferably legal) source. Here are a few choice
cuts from the film:
Wow, that Clive guy makes Steve Jobs
look like a saint, and that's quite a
feat!
July 26, 2010... Street
Fighter vs. Delayed
Gratification
That Capcom vs. Namco game? Don't
get too excited about it, because it's actually Street Fighter
vs. Tekken, with characters exclusively pulled from those two
franchises. Also, it won't be coming out for two years,
if the report on Destructoid is to be
believed. Don't worry... it's not by Jim Sterling, so
you should be able to believe it.
Also, Joystiq is claiming
that Sony has finally turned a profit with the Playstation 3
after four years. Are you sure about
that? Have they recouped the cost of research and
development, and from dumping systems at a
price lower than their actual cost? If the answer is
"no," they haven't turned a profit. They'll probably be
lucky to break even in this console cycle with all the money
they've spent from 2006 to 2009.
God, I wish I had the talent for digging
up dirt that ECM does. I might be able to update this
site more than once every four
days.
July 22, 2010... I KNEW
I Forgot Something Today!
Augh! Gotta update the site before
midnight!
First, the stuff that actually matters
to people. Capcom is on a hot streak with its
fighting game franchises... it's not only releasing Marvel vs.
Capcom 3 in the near future (now with 100%
more god-dogs!), but it's planning a crossover game with
Namco, its second counting the strategy RPG released in
Japan. It'll run on Dimps'
excellent Street Fighter IV engine, while Namco will make
a fighting game of its own using the decidedly less
excellent Tekken 6 as a template. You get three
guesses as to which one I'll buy and the first two don't
count.
The game I'm most desperate to get from
this collaboration (and the one that's least likely to
actually happen) is a cutesy beat 'em up along
the lines of Match of the Millennium or Pocket Fighter.
More of Namco's characters would fit in this context,
especially Dig Dug, Pac-Man, Mappy, Mr. Driller, and Klonoa,
and they would be a lot more fun to use than that blonde Kid
'n Play reject from the Tekken series or Soul
Calibur's Shyamalangargamel. Come on,
Capcom and Namco! Throw us handheld gamers a few
crumbs here!
In "you may care about this if you're
old" news, AtariMax is selling a
multicart for the ColecoVision that'll be the most handy
peripheral since the Sega Saturn's Pro Action Replay.
Not only does it have an SD card slot for easy transfer of
games between your computer and the ColecoVision, but it
features its own onboard processor, 512K of RAM, and two free
games. About the only thing it doesn't do is
fix the system's crappy power switch. You can have all
this for the price of... what the hell, $129.99?! I'd
better start pawning some kidneys. With a price like
that, I'd better start pawning other peoples' kidneys
too!
In "you don't care about this at all but
I'm telling you anyway" news, I've ironed out the problems
with GORF, and the game is set to be sold on the Good Deal
Games web site shortly. They've also been kind enough to
pledge me a copy of Zaku for the Atari Lynx, so expect a
review of that very Air Zonk-ish game on the web site in the
near future. Remember when I reviewed games on this
site? It only seems like
yesterday...
July 19, 2010... Tick
Infestation
Sorry I've been gone so long,
folks. I haven't had much to talk about lately, and my
boycott of Kotaku has made it more difficult to find
video game news. Also, I've been a little stressed out
about the whole GORF situation... turns out that the compiler
I used to make the game produced untidy code that refuses to
cooperate with the cartridge Good Deal Games is using to
distribute it. Anybody know of a way to force a software
reset in a GameBoy Advance? At this point I think it's
the only way I'll be able to make the game run properly, short
of a line-by-line revision of the binary code or a complete
rewrite of the game in another language.
Off that subject, I've learned from an
iPhone app developer that Apple itself has been
responsible for the lack of a proper joystick for the
company's line of all-purpose electronic devices. Here's
the scoop from Stuart Ross of New Potato
Technologies, makers of the iPhone slot
machine dock:
Yes the iPhone actually
responds to the pull of the lever the run the wheels.
Pull the handle all the way forward and the dock ejects the
iPhone from the dock. The dock incorporates an internal
microcontroller and Apple authentication chip. It
communicates with the iPhone and the Jackpot Slots application
over the 30 pin connector using the iPhone’s serial
interface.
We have more
“appcessories” on the way. A joystick is a great
application, but unfortunately Apple has a policy wherein they
are not keen on general accessories which would allow for a
sub-ecosystem to develop around. Over time Apple’s
stance has shifted here and there, so there is some hope that
this policy may change in the near future. In which
case, you can expect to see a bunch of cool “general” input
devices.
So what I'm gathering from this is that
the iPhone uses a security chip like the one in
the Xbox 360 to block the use of unlicensed peripherals,
and that Apple is preventing manufacturers from making
accessories that support a wide range of applications.
So a joystick dock is technically possible
on the iPhone series, but good 'ol Steve Jobs won't let you
have one. Sorry Steve, but if you're intent on marketing
your products to gamers, you're going to have to give them the
tools to actually play games. I've said it over
and over again... a smudgy, finger-obscured touchscreen just
isn't enough to get the job done.
Also, DeathSpank was
recently released for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3.
It's being described by the press as the marriage of Diablo
and Monkey Island, but I'm just seeing Diablo with a Tick-like
superhero grafted onto it. As appealing as that may
sound to fans of the underappreciated cartoon series, the
voice actor for Tick-spank is just a bit too enthusiastic,
overselling lines like a desperate car salesman and sounding a
little too in on the joke. What made The Tick great is
that the lead hero didn't realize how completely ridiculous he
was... in fact, nobody on the series had a clue with the
possible exception of straight man sidekick Arthur, and even
he never took off his bunny- er, moth costume. When you
play a Tick-like role and sound like you're going to crack up
after every line, the whole thing falls apart.
DeathSpank isn't a bad game, at
least judging from the generous demo. It's just not
very fresh. It's Diablo with strained humor and
artwork that looks like it came from a pop-up
storybook tucked away in the back of Tim Burton's personal
library. I can't imagine paying fifteen dollars for that
when I already have Fable II, a similar action RPG with more
subtlety and a lot more variety.
Also! Rock Band 3 is coming
soon... much sooner than I'd expected, actually. Flex
those fingers, because you'll be tickling the ivories of the
game's keytar controller by the end of October. I'm
really excited for RB3, because it should finally
shut up all the detractors of music games who incessantly
point out that they can't actually teach you to play
instruments. Now what's your
complaint?
July 16, 2010... That's
A Wrap
And so ends the three year saga of
The Gameroom Blitz as a YouTube channel. Laughs were
had, tears were cried, and nearly two dozen videos were made,
not counting the ones I took down due to copyright issues or
because they were too stupid even for YouTube. The last
of them, a review of Muramasa: The Demon
Blade, is up and available right now... at
least until the Bores Brigade catches wind of it and informs
their clueless leader, The Third-Rate Gamer, of its
existence. Too late suckahs, I'm already gone! BWA
HA HA HAAAAA!
Whatever happens to this video, I'm glad I made
it. Closure feels good; it feels right.
There's nothing worse than when something just disappears
without warning and you have no idea
what-
July 14, 2010... Yes,
No, Maybe So?
Work continues to, uh, continue on
the final video review. I've pieced together
three minutes of footage so far... now I just have
to get the other three minutes ready by
the end of the week. It'll be epic, I tell
you! M*A*S*H could only wish for an ending like
this!
(Okay, I'm overselling it now.)
Now for the gaming
news. There's talk of a new, Kinect-friendly user
interface coming soon from Microsoft (aw, I was just getting
used to the last one!), along with a fresh budget model
of the Xbox 360 with four gigabytes of internal flash RAM for
game saves and uh, maybe a handful of Xbox Live Arcade
games. It's not going to be the system of choice for
heavy-duty users, but at a projected $200, it'll get the job
done for everyone else. Let's hope Microsoft has the
good sense to put a wi-fi adapter in it too.
On Nintendo's side of the fence, developers are thrilled
about the upcoming-but-not-coming-soon-enough 3DS. The
CEO of T*HQ is all about the Benjamins, claiming that he's
more excited about the system's anti-piracy measures than
its improved hardware, but other captains of the gaming
industry have their heads in the right place (out of their
asses), thinking about how they can take full advantage of the
handheld and its unique features. Atsushi Inaba of
Platinum Games (formerly Clover Studios) believes that the 3DS
will be a "dream" platform for creative developers, while Suda
51 of Grasshopper Manufacture semi-fame thinks that it will be
"The Next Hardware," in search of "The Next Game." Those
are Joystiq's capital
letters, not mine, so I've got to assume "big" is implied in
those two phrases.
Totally off the subject of video games, GameSpite's Jeremy
Parish was kind enough to review the Yes album
Drama for me, because I've been on a Buggles kick lately and
asked him if Trevor Horn was up to snuff as a temporary
replacement for lead singer Jon Anderson. His in-depth
analysis reveals that yes, Horn was as good a substitute as
the band was likely to get on short notice and no, the
half-ton of criticism dumped on Drama by music critics was not
deserved. I'm listening to the album right now courtesy
of a free eMusic trial, and for what it's worth, I think
Parish is right on the money. Drama sounds
just like classic Yes to me, right down to the singer trying
to outrace the lyrics in Tempus Fugit and the wankery guitar
and synthesizer solos in Into the Lens (which sounds worlds
apart from The Buggles' cover of the song, I
Am a Camera). We've got a Yes fan in the forums,
and I'd love to see what he's got to say about the black sheep
of the band's discography. He's not likely to change my
mind at this point, but I've nevertheless curious about his
reaction to it.
* Sorry Toy Headquarters, you get to keep the asterisk
whether you want it or not! It's your badge of shame for
Pit Fighter and a billion other crappy Super NES
games.
July 12,
2010... 3D-No
Sony recently admitted (in a terms of
service agreement discovered by Destructoid) that its 3D
technology may cause some users "discomfort." So,
are we talking discomfort like a mosquito bite,
or something more like this?
I get this feeling that game companies (and the entire
entertainment industry,
really) are a little too desperate to find
the next paradigm shift. High-definition hasn't
even reached its saturation point yet, and you want to push
this 3D nonsense on us, which has barely evolved since
the red and blue cardboard glasses of the 1960s? Maybe
you ought to give the public something legitimately
useful like improved digital distribution, rather
than screwing around with silly toys. Someone will
get 3D right eventually, but the technology we've got now (Kim
Jong-Il sunglasses that give the wearer nausea) clearly
isn't up to snuff. When you make a blue and white trash
can that projects a holographic image of Carrie Fisher, and
you can get it under two thousand decicreds, call me and I'll
break out my checkbook.
July 10, 2010... The
Insult That Never Gets
Old
I had high hopes for Destructoid,
but the smug and insufferable Jim Sterling isn't making a
good first impression. Out of curiosity, I entered
his name into Google, and the site quickly offered
"Jim Sterling is a douche" as a search term suggestion... in
fact, the second most popular one, resting just
below his name. Wow, he's nationally
recognized!
Anyway, I just received Sin and Punishment 2 in the mail
today, and it's fantastic, combining the best of both Cabal
and Space Harrier into one package. The reviewers
weren't kidding when they said it's a trippy experience,
though... I took a break from the game shortly after
being soundly thrashed by a pod of ring-firing
dolphins.
Slightly less surreal is the addition of zombies to
Rockstar's wild west action game Red Dead Redemption. I
don't know what possessed them to do this, or how they could
possibly make it work in the context of the game, but they'll
be offering an expansion where the player must fend off the
living dead. Hey, every other game is doing it,
right? (That's part of the problem, really.)
July 9, 2010... Catch
the Wii Fever
Super Mario Galaxy 2 arrived from
GameFly a couple of days ago, and I'm really enjoying the
ride. With its even-more-tacked-on-than-usual storyline
and a flat map replacing the explorable hub from the original,
it's less of a sequel than a mission pack... Super Mario
Galaxy: The Lost Levels if you will. That's not to say
that it's a phone-in on Nintendo's part, though! The
meat of the game is flavorful and satisfying, with the
brilliant level design you'd expect from Shigeru
Miyamoto. The early stages are surprisingly challenging,
and I've just scratched the surface! I can only
imagine how tough the game will be near the
end.
I've also got Sin and Punishment 2 coming in the mail, and
judging from the early reviews I'll be in for a rollicking
good time. I've always felt that Sin and Punishment
was made for the Wiimote (albeit six years too early) and I'm
sure the sequel will confirm my suspicions. The only
gripes I've heard so far are that the faces of the two
heroes are nearly identical and that the game is much too
short, which is NOT A VALID COMPLAINT when the typical
video game is thirty hours of tedious level grinding and
scavenger hunts. I'm quite happy with five hours of
gameplay if every minute is packed with excitement. It's
not quantity, folks... it's quality that counts.
One thing I should probably mention before I go, in case
you missed it from my Twitter feed... the script for the final
video review is finished, and it's a beaut. It might
actually get me kicked off YouTube, but what a way to
go!
July 7, 2010... Coming
Home to Roost
Remember when I said
I was dropping the Kotaku thing? I
lied.
What happened to me and a handful of
other posters a couple of weeks ago was only the
beginning. A poster named Kanji08 describes a reader
revolt at Kotaku that broke out after one of its most
popular members, DeanB, was banned from the
site. His account of the incident is so sugarcoated
you could serve it in a bowl of milk as part of your
nutritious breakfast (and his generosity toward the Kotaku
editoral staff seems to have earned him a star, imagine that!)
but it nevertheless illustrates the trouble the blog is having
maintaining its ecosystem of self-indulgent writers and the
obsequious viewers who love them. Formerly loyal
readers, incensed at DeanB's dismissal, have been pasting
Brian Crecente's face on Adolf Hitler (I think my own Bat-cente Photoshop
is a more accurate depiction of the man,
frankly...), and the editors have
responded by banning members en masse. Members
who will be getting their news from Kotaku's
competitors from now on, I suspect.
There's talk on sister site io9
that there could be a major editorial shake-up at Kotaku in
the near future. I believe the pruning of staff is long
overdue, and hope that it will result in improved journalistic
standards (in other words, no more of the shit parodied by Bob
Mackey on Something Awful) and a renewed respect for the
blog's readers. Kotaku has tried to
control user participation with a stringent membership process and the
fastest banhammer in the west, but this incident should make
it clear to parent company Gawker Media that the
readers haven't been the site's
problem.
July 5, 2010... Singin'
the BlazBlues
You know, I used to think the BlazBlue
character designs were pretty cool. A gelatinous grim
reaper? A psychotic cat girl with a pair of red eyes
gleaming behind a cloak? Yeah, I can get behind
that. However, Arc System Works has
started to lose me with the planned characters for the
upcoming sequel... spin-off... thing. It's bad enough
that they're forcing players to pay for an upgrade, then
expecting them to cough up even more change for additional
characters. It's even worse when they start reaching for
the 1990s anime cliches. Seriously, what the hell is
going on with Sailor Moon here?
Yes, that's what this prepubescent girl
needs... more cowbell. I won't even show you what's
going on below the waist... apparently, crotchless schoolgirl
dresses are the in fashion for fighting game characters these
days. Guess Sakura missed the memo!
July 4, 2010... More
Bang for Your Buck
It's the fourth of July, and there's no
better way to celebrate than with a new review on Fighter's Misery...
the first in years! Well, there are probably
lots of better ways to celebrate, but that's what
you're getting from the Blitz. Happy Independence Day,
folks.
July 3, 2010... Third
Eye Blind
Hey, anyone interested in an update to
the Dan
Hibiki page? I know I
am!
In non-Dan news, Joystiq reports that
Sony will be blinding The Eye of Judgment to the internet
after September. I was really excited about Eye and its
augmented reality technology back in 2006, when the game was
first shown at the Electronic Entertainment Expo. I was
absolutely convinced that it would be a huge hit for Sony, but
for whatever reason, it just didn't catch on with
gamers. Was it the prohibitive price of the Playstation
3, the difficulty in finding a table that wasn't already
cluttered with junk, or just a decline in the popularity of
collectible card games? It's anyone's guess, but I'm
nevertheless disappointed that this innovative concept never
found an audience. After all, when gamers
won't support new ideas, that's when companies retreat
back to the old and tired ones.
Also, I haven't forgotten about the
final YouTube review. I'm just stalling, because I'm
lazy like that. I've got some ideas for it... once I put
them down on paper, that should get the ball rolling on the
grand finale.
July 1, 2010... Summer
Slowdown
Dig that new banner, inspired by (and
with 98% of the artwork lifted from) The Last Blade and its
sequel. I couldn't get into this series at first, but
playing the absolutely miserable Samurai Shodown Sen has given
me a whole new appreciation for The Last
Blade's beautiful artwork and accessible gameplay.
Just look at those rivulets of water streaming down that
rock formation! I'll take that over any of the drab
scenery in SNK's latest Xbox 360 disaster.
So summer's officially arrived, and with
it comes a software drought of epic proportions. This in
turn makes it more difficult to find topics of discussion for
the site. Well, topics that don't sound like
they've come from the mind of a self-absorbed teenager,
anyway. There is news from a number of sources
that Sega, already drunk on nostalgia with its recent
Dreamcast revivals, is looking even further back,
planning to resurrect key titles from the Saturn
library. Realistically, there isn't much Sega can do to
restore its reputation after the mess it made of the Yakuza 3
launch, and what it did to Sonic the Hedgehog in his 2006
comeback, and the premature abandonment of all the
consoles it's currently embracing, but I'm willing
to forget about all that (temporarily) if it means
an Xbox 360 port of Radiant Silvergun.
On the Nintendo side of things, Shigeru
Miyamoto has admitted that the company's cast of
characters has gotten a little crusty and that it's time to
bring in some fresh blood. I'm not sure if he was just
whispering sweet nothings in the ears of Nintendo's
shareholders, or if he's already working on a new character
and a franchise to go along with it. If it's the latter,
I would humbly suggest making this new star a girl.
There are an overabundance of distressed,
dimwitted damsels in Nintendo games, and the
company- nay, the entire video game industry- is overdue for a
female hero who's bright, capable, and fully
clothed. After all, it's been nearly a quarter of a
century since the last
one.
